So, this morning I get to go......well, not "home," because technically I am "home," but up to Clackamas to visit the 'rents and the hubby for a couple weeks. I haven't decided how long I'm going to stay...it's very possible that I just might stay long enough to watch the Rose Bowl with my dad and come back on Jan. 2. We'll see. It's not as if I have anything especial pulling me back here before then. I haven't been invited to any NYE parties, and for now I am done inviting myself to places. I've never felt comfortable doing that -- some people tell me, "Who cares if they didn't ask you...it's a party. Just go anyway!" Ah, but I find that when I do that, I feel really uncomfortable, out of place even. Those are the parties where I tend not to talk to anybody or where I latch onto the people I do know, probably bugging the shit out of them. That ain't fun. Oh, and I drink a lot, but just enough to get weird without exactly getting crazy. Also not fun.

I know Mary would understand what I'm talking about, since she's the same type o' person (maybe not with the drinking, but with the being at parties). This is why we work so well together -- we're both the type of person who appreciates friends in small groups or one-on-one situations. Makes me even more sad that she's leaving.

Whatever. I said I wasn't going to dwell on stuff. Once again, lovely hormones not helping. And this time around, my back hurts, so sleeping over the last couple of days has been difficult, if not impossible. Not to mention all the other various pain that comes around each time. Enough pain that I can't stay at GTFF parties, or carry around boxes of books...grah. Someone just take my uterus already and be done with it. I'm not ever planning on using it, after all. If I could donate it to someone who really wanted/needed it, I SO would.

Because they were unable to make it to karaoke on Friday or Saturday, two of my friends took me to brunch at Brail's this morning. Honestly, just when I think nobody gives a shit, I am SO proven wrong.

AND they totally gave me presents, too. Amazing. I was just happy to see them at brunch...wasn't even expecting prezzies, especially since one of them already gave me a holiday prezzie. I now have a total of two boas, first off. This new one is fabulously purple and black, with ONE orange feather that somehow got tacked on for, what, character? I dunno, but it's great. And the friend who gave me the boa also gave me a book -- it so happens to be a book I already have (and am currently reading, btw, which is weird), but she totally got that it would be a book I'd enjoy.

My other friend got me this amazing little book of ZOMBIE xmas carols. Oh yes. Some of my faves (just in terms of titles) include:

"I Saw Mommy Chewing Santa Claus"
"We Three Spleens"
"Good King Wenceslas Tastes Great"
"Have Yourself a Medulla Oblongata"
"Deck the Halls with Parts of Wally"
"Let's Feast on Merry Gentlemen"
"Silver Brains"
"Smash Their Heads With a Rock" (Jingle Bell Rock)

So thoughtful. :D

It just demonstrates what I say about true friends. Those are not only the people you want to do things for, but who actually want to do things for you in return, and in a way that shows they've been paying attention to the things you care about. Granted, zombies isn't much of a stretch, but really? They didn't even have to take me out at all. I mean, birthday's over. I'm solidly 33, nothing more to celebrate. But they did it anyway. And it blows me away.

In grading my students' papers this week, a good fair share of them had to do with how Facebook is bad for us because it encourages people to skew their identities in ways that create problems with real-life relationships. In fact, only one essay argued against this idea, and while her argument was quite cogent, I know that my other students make very good points. And being a Facebook user myself, I've been making my own study of the site for awhile. I can't put things in the nice black-n-white that my students can (those crazy kids), but I definitely have moments where I wonder if things might have been better if I hadn't added certain people to my FB or whatnot.

( wherein I noodle about identity on social networking sites like Facebook )

And maybe some people like me better online than offline. Or vice versa. Whichever aspect of my identity appeals to them more. Some people like a wit, and some people like a listener. Online I am one, and offline I am the other. I can see how some people would find that frustrating or annoying.

I'm putting this on me because, well, this be my journal. Those of you out there who use FB will have your own experiences, I'm sure, talking about how identities change online, for better or worse. I'd like to hear your stories, because they fascinate me. How close (or how far away) is your online identity to your offline one? You don't have to use FB, either...LJ or any other site is grist for the ol' mill, as it were. Do you find yourself posting status updates directed at only one or a few people and then getting surprising responses from people you forgot would be looking on? How much do you skew yourself online to be perceived a certain way? Is it any different (or exactly the same) as you portray yourself in life outside cyberspace?

Some of you I think I can guess your short answers to these questions. I'm looking for some deep thoughts here, though, if anyone cares to share.

Bonus points if you get the title reference.

For some reason, I was in a good mood all day yesterday. This even before I finished the karaokumentary. It started when I woke up and just went the whole day. I'm going to reproduce what I wrote yesterday morning in my handwritten journal, for the flavor of that mood:

"I don't know how or why, but I feel absolutely fabulous this morning. Maybe it's because I got more evidence of the circularity of things. One of my old buddies from community college (+ some undergrad) has moved to Eugene! And we're doing lunch tomorrow! I haven't seen him since..........1999? Has it really been ten years? Maybe more? Fuck that's amazing. I remember DB as this sweet, funny guy... Plus he plays fabulous classical/Spanish guitar.

"Anyway, it's more than D, though. I woke up like this. It didn't matter that I'd gained three pounds from the last time I checked. Didn't matter my loneliness from the weekend, or even from this morning. That was/is part of the joy. In everything, no matter how well I do or don't match up with other people, I am me. ME. And my hair is awesome.

"Something's calling me. Something out there. OR something within. Same diff."


I think I need some more of that today, if I'm to finish my video log/essay. Plus I still need to get that karaokumentary exported. Maybe I'll call Sharon and see if she can come over just to watch it before I commit it to DVD.

Today is my second-to-last day of German, but really it's the last day. We're not really going to do much on the last day, so today's the last day of instruction, complete with quiz. There are actually quite a few emotions I have about that. I mean, I've successfully completed two years of a foreign language. I'm reveling in that success, even as I'm kinda dreading having to go through it all over again with a second language for my PhD down the road.

Wow I miss that mood from yesterday. I mean, I'm okay today...just tired from trivia last night. There was a bit of excessive drinking, but not too bad. I consider it celebratory and therefore necessary. I just need some kinda juice to get through class today so that I'm not draggin' when I meet my buddy for lunch. I really am awfully excited about that. We're doing Hawaiian, which makes sense because we've been to Hawaii together (with the choir back at Blue Mountain CC omg). Now I wonder if he did that on purpose, or whether he even thought about it...?

Anyway. I want to make today another day for being grateful for friends both old and new. I know some amazing people around the 'verse.

Whenever I manage to get on track with a particular thing, something else invariably falls by the wayside. In this case, the losses are acceptable.

(And writing the previous allowed me to use the word "invariably," which is quite rare in my active vocabulary but a lovely adverb among the many I treasure. lol)

Anyway, I did want to record the surprise visit hunny and I got from a few friends last night, another rare occurrence for us. See, we hosted a party at our place for a guy just turning 21 a couple days ago (we'll call him Juice), and maybe that sort of "opened the door," as it were, to this sort of event? In any case, we had some leftover cake sitting here that I was saving to give back to Juice, since it was made especially for him by his roommate (C, whom some of you know from other entries). I'll prolly post a pic of said cake eventually. So last night I get a text from C just out of the blue asking if she and Juice can come over and eat cake. I quickly warned hunny and then told her to come on over. We hurriedly put on some clothes (it's HOT here, y'all), and when they showed up they had another friend with them (we'll call him Mac Jizzle here), whom we've karaoked with, as well. So all three were welcomed in, and there was cake and a couple White Russians (I let Juice make Mac Jizzle's Russian to give him more booze experience), and while he was at it, Juice downed a shot of Kahlua (gross), just for fun? lol whatever, we hung out for a bit, talking about vaginas with teeth and all sorts of crazy stuff.

I honestly think that the above is probably the first time in my life that that has really happened to me. A spontaneous visit like that. Normally I am SUCH a planner, and I like things to be ship-shape before I have guests over. I mean, the apt. was relatively clean, but still. But since these are three folks I/we have been hanging out with quite a bit, I guess I felt comfortable enough to be spontaneous and not be judged for the state of my abode. And it felt good that someone/s actually wanted to come over and hang for awhile, eat cake, etc. I say, as long as people call/text me first (which they did), surprise visits are sweet!

Not interested in full sentences. Quickie update.

Happy late birthday, Navaz! So sorry I didn't say on the day. My bad. :(


Managed to actually lose a pound or two in the last week. Amazing. Attributed to major efforts in exercise arena.

One more week of German, and then.....another four weeks of German. Woohoo!

Made progress on karaokumentary yesterday. Small progress amongst the WoW, but progress. Now feeling the project is somewhat more manageable (though still huge). Today: pruning another interview.

A feeling that there's some drama going on regarding this weekend. Not sure, can never tell about these things, but if push comes to shove, I know whose camp I'm in (that is, if for some reason it comes down to a choice).

Tiffany is not a fan of that kind of drama, btw. Never was. Always avoided it, will continue to do so.

Full week ahead. Possibly tomorrow or Thursday will make a quick quick quick run to Portland to visit Jen Carr while she's in town (OMFG YAY!), and Wednesday is HP6 (don't tell my cousin I'm seeing it! Oh wait, this is a public post, lol. But he doesn't read my blog, so there). Friday...I dunno. Depends on whether this drama is real or something in my head. The rest of the weekend is top secret. (Intrigued? You should be.) In between there will be editing work. There must be. I refuse to do this thing at the last minute, because that sucks.

Okay, full sentences emerging, time to stop.

P.S. The thunderstorm yesterday was incredible. So close it made the windows rattle and the spiders run for cover. Where did they run to? Our apartment, of course.

So, as you all know, I planned a(nother) surprise party for John for his 40th birthday. I'm happy to report that it went off with very few hitches! In fact, I had a fabulous night, and I think John did, as well. He certainly was surprised! Maybe shocked is better. After all, why on earth would any of "my" friends come to a party for him? hehehehe.

The lies got pretty thick there towards the end, though. One of the biggest (and probably the one I'm most proud of) is my explanation for why I was bringing the laptop with us to dinner. See, all of the music for the party was on my lappy, but John thought we were merely going to have dinner with my friend Christy and her husband. So, no reason to bring a laptop. However, since I'm a genius liar and all, I gave him some half-truths to swallow. I told him that I wanted to play Christy some music from the lappy for our joint film exercise for class. The truth is that Christy and I really ARE working together on a film exercise that's due on Tuesday. What's false is that we have no need to listen to music because the project is already finished. But John knew enough about the project to swallow the lie whole.

Lesson 1 in relaying falsehoods: mix in enough truth to make them believable.

Anyway, my whole Friday went like that, and it was exhausting. At one point John wanted to take his car instead of mine to the "couples date," but we had to take my car because the party cups were already stashed in the trunk. So I just whined about how I didn't like getting in/out of his car (which is true to a point, and he knows it), and he agreed to use my car after all. lol

The surprise itself, when people seemed to leap out of the walls at us, scared me even though I knew it was coming. I thought John would have a heart attack. But it was a precious moment nonetheless. Even more precious was having two guests show up about three minutes after the surprise. :P

Since it was a 70s theme (of a sort), I not only programmed the lappy with a myriad of 70s hits (with John's unknowing help), but I also wore my ol' silver shirt that I bought a few years ago, the one that basically demands the lack of a bra in order to pull it off. I managed. :)

The only real hitches in the party's gitalong included not having a corkscrew or matches (for wine or birthday candles, respectively), and then one guest accidentally spilling some wine about midway through the party. Most of these issues were solved fairly well, though I think a chair now has some wine-damage. I also suffered a mini dumping episode toward party's end, but I retreated to the bathroom and stayed there until it went away, so at least I didn't suffer in front of everybody.

Okay, blah blah...pictures!

( The pictures aren't too huge, but there are a lot of them. )

And we end with karaoke video, of course! Direct link is here.

So, I am ever so slightly hungover this morning. It's really nothing, just a teeny tiny twinge in the brain that tells me I didn't drink enough water yesterday. I'm currently operating on about four hours of sleep, and I have a Deutsch test this morning.

I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Here's the deal: every Monday night at the pub down the street from our apartment, they hold a trivia night from 9p 'til whenever it ends. I got sucked into this by Former German Prof, and now it's a regular thing. I'm not very good at trivia at all; I'm constantly amazed at the shit people know. Being more of a geek than anything, my range of trivia knowledge is limited to a few specific subjects. Only a couple times has that knowledge come in handy. So mainly I sit at the table and drink, catch up with people I only get to see maybe once or twice a week (boo), get to know other people better, etc. For me, it's not about the trivia at all. I happen to be lucky in that my team is really really good at trivia, overall; in fact, we've won the grand prize twice in a row, and the winning happens pretty much regularly. (Grand prize, btw, is a $40 gift card to the pub...really comes in handy when the whole table is sharing pitcher after pitcher of beer.)

Anyway, all of this has the effect of making Tuesdays a bit of a drag for me physically. Everyone should know by now that if I don't get my six hours o' happy dreamland time, I can be a real cranky bitch the next day. Thus far, though, this hasn't really happened as a result of staying up for trivia, and I know why this is. It's not like I'm staying up because I have to. I'm staying up because I want to, because I'm having fun (omg no not that!), because I'm hanging out with awesome folks. This is the shit I didn't get for most of my time in school up to the present (with a few exceptions). Whether self-inflicted or not, I was a loner. In essence, I still am. But at least now I can appreciate the beneficial effects of knockin' back a few, hanging out, eating Hot Tamales and pulling Max's finger. Nope, not going to explain that one. Another cool thing about all this is that now I have the "in" on things like pulling Max's finger. It's a "you had to have been there" sort of deal, and I love that I'm part of that, if anyone gets what I mean.

Okay, time to ready my happy ass for German class! Oh, slap me Shakespeare!

Last night I had every intention of beginning the process of pulling together permissions and informants for my film. For those with no idea what I'm talking about, I'm doing a film about karaoke for my video production class.

Anyway, hunny and I went to the Eldorado to seek out the manager so we could talk to her about filming there. As circumstance would have it, yesterday was her day off or something. Normally she does work on Friday, but just not YESTERDAY. So that was Strike One. THEN the place turned out to be almost completely dead. It took about half an hour for karaoke to even start because the KJ was waiting for more singers. NONE of the people I want to use in my film were there. NONE.

The only good part about last night at karaoke was that we got to spend some quality time bonding with the KJ (and yes, I will also approach him about being in the film). We laughed over some goofy music he was playing, and he let us know about some juicy upcoming karaoke events. First, I think it's next Friday, they plan on doing a Sadie Hawkins karaoke night, where I'm gathering we sing exclusively songs meant for another sex/gender/whathaveyou. It's kinda silly, especially since I sing "guy" songs all the time, but it does gives me a good excuse to sing Pete Gabriel's "Sledgehammer," something I've always wanted to do but felt was just a little too....penisy?

Also, they're going to start instituting a karaoke contest once a month, on Saturdays I think. No entry fee, and prizes will consist of gift cards for the bar. Hey, it's free bar money! I'm down with that. They vote on vocal ability and stage presence. Should bring out some cool singers/songs...I hope!

Okay, anyway, so even though the karaoke was a bust and now sets me back in terms of scheduling filming (I gotta track this woman down on Monday), I managed some fun-ness regardless. Hunny and I did each sing a song, both bungees I believe, which I feel is always better to do when there are fewer people around to hear if you screw up. Then I crashed some BSG over at Former German Prof's place, and there was just general mayhem.



I don't remember exactly what the discussion was about, but the picture's pretty funny!

It is now so far from Spring Break that I wonder if it was even real. But, when I say I'm going to post about something, I generally do it. Thus, my Spring Break post.

It's going to be more of a picture post than anything, since some of the details have already slipped away. In addition, I'm still a little short on time. Further, I'm just kinda lazy. Finally, I have serious doubts that anyone would want to read an extended post about our Spring Break. P.S., pictures are just more fun.

( seriously heavy picture post, though the pictures are relatively small )

I'll end with a youtube vid of some of our karaoke moments from Thursday. Seriously, check out Kevin's guitar work and Mark's singing. Good times, good times. Direct link is here..




P.S. I also didn't get any pictures of Friday at Bruce's house, with the awesome food he cooked for us and his general hospitality. Once again, I am a dumbass.

It's what? Valentine's Day? Really? I could never have guessed!

In all seriousness, I don't really care about this "holiday." I never did. It's simply not in my headspace very much. Yeah, hunny and I do a little gift exchange, but I really think it's just an excuse to give each other candy. lol Otherwise, eh.

I used to take V-Day pretty seriously when I was young, back when I made cards from scratch and gave them to a very few, select individuals each year. When I realized, going through year after year, that I was never going to get anything back, I stopped. And I haven't looked back since.

In other news, I earlier professed my feeling that Friday the 13th is a lucky day for me. I think this is no less true of yesterday. Last night, instead of going to karaoke, I wound up going to a bar where a lot of English grads (plus friends) like to hang out every week. There I met a friend of a friend, and I wound up hanging out with three gay men until about 1:30am, which is sort of my idea of heaven. I got to hear ghost stories and relationship stories and other stories until I finally got sleepy. Any night where I get to know more awesome people is lucky, in my opinion.

Of course, this morning I'm paying for a night of white wine (*shakes fist*), but it could be worse. It has been worse. So I'm not complaining. :)

Tonight, I had plans to go with a friend of mine from the English department to a local nightclub. The club was featuring a show with the guys from Playgirl, and my friend, being Family, had much interest in seeing some manflesh, losing a few dolla bills in some thongs, etc. I was there primarily for support and photo opps, though I had been looking forward to finally seeing the inside of this place, since I heard the music wasn't bad. I wanted to dance.

Well, we started our high adventure by wandering around downtown Eugene until we found the club. I knew kinda where it was, but my night vision is nicht so gut, and he's just not familiar with downtown. But we're a couple of smart cookies, and we figured it out. So we parked and made our way to the joint. I could hear some pretty kickass music inside, so I was pretty stoked.

Just inside the door, we were met by your stereotypical bouncer dude: tall, big, bald. Beefy hands. I asked him what the deal was, and he informed us that not only was the show $10, but it was, per the performers' request, NO MEN ALLOWED IN THE BUILDING.

My first internal reaction: In EUGENE? Are you KIDDING ME???

I looked at my friend, and he looked downright crushed, like a puppy just slapped and kicked for making dookie on the carpet, even though the dookie wasn't even his. But there was nothing we could do, so we left.

It was the first time I've ever not been able to get into a club. I mean, I could have gone in, but seriously, why would I even want to with that kind of attitude on the inside??? I wasn't there for me, anyway, but for him. And if he couldn't get in, I certainly wasn't going to go. Fuck dat. So we mustered the shattered remains of our pride, and we marched right back out the club, heads high. Bastards.

As the nippy night air hit us, what just happened started to sink in, and we both got PISSED OFF. I mean, seriously. As he said, his money is just as good as anyone else's, so why deny him? Oh, the poor performers weren't comfortable with the idea of gay men watching them strip? What the fuck ever. Taboo has the right to book any performer they want, but it was seriously lame.

Anyway, we decided not to let the fiasco completely ruin our night. We took our bad selves to karaoke at the Red Lion. Of course, when we got there the place was packed and the songs were almost completely country, but we took it for what it was. We laughed at the horrendous singers (come on, lady, "Achy Breaky Heart"? Really?), laughed when some drunk lady hit on my friend. I laughed when I caught people staring at my club attire (I REALLY did not fit in, and praise Jeebus for it). We laughed, we tried to get over the absolute suckitude of being denied some male strippers, and then we went home.

It is my great good fortune that I hang around the kind of people who are cool and can handle shit like this. We dealt. We coped. We gave a great good "FUCK YOU" to Taboo and made our own fun. Fucktards.

...i kan haz friendz?

yes.

This weekend is yet another demonstration of the craziness that is mi vida right now. I get out of Deutsch at 10am. I will make every attempt to grade papers until around 1pm, and then at 2p (2:15, to be precise), I will meet up with some of Team Folklore for the viewing of Coraline (WOOOO, GO SEE CORALINE!) at VRC. THEN I shall cometh back to the hearth for the further grading of papers (maybe) until evening, when a friend and I will brave the Eugene nightlife for the first time and hit up one of, like, two clubs in town, called Taboo. I have absolutely no idea how that will work out, but I promised I'd go.

Saturday? Saturday is the Batmania potluck, Part Deux. We'll be watching the most AWESOME sixties movie with Adam West.

Sunday...okay, day of rest. Sorta. Whatever papers I haven't graded will be graded. Week Six will be prepped. Laundry/groceries will be taken care of. Yada yada flap flap.

Crazy, I tell ya. I probably wouldn't know what to do with myself if it was any other way.


And here's a weird tangent: I LOVE being a confidante. It makes me happy to know that people trust me with their issues. And well they should. Maybe I should have gone into psychology back when. On the other hand, I'd much rather be paid in friendship than money.

Have been mostly silent the past week for two reasons: 1) Week Four is generally hell, and 2) continuing drama ISSUES with keyboard.

I don't remember what I've said to this already, and I'm too lazy to go check, so here's the sitch, with handy bullet points:

spilled a White Russian all over my old keyboard about a week ago.

Bought a Logitech Wireless MX 3200 (plus mouse) to replace.

New keyboard worked fabulously for that day and the next morning. Then, inexplicably, the mini-USB receiver died. Tried everything to fix it, short of taking it apart. Looked for drivers. Hit buttons to reconnect the hardware. Got rid of all software and tried doing everything from the beginning. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Had to wait until today to return the keyboard because it was bought with my card and, well, Week Four is hell.

Finally got back to Best Buy today and exchanged for a Microsoft Laser Desktop 4000. So far, so good.

Here's hoping that this issue is now resolved, and I'll be able to enjoy new keyboard and mouse for many moons.

In other news, did I mention that Week Four is hell? No teaching in the classroom, but I did one-on-one conferences with each of my students. It's good for all of us, but it's a drain, to be sure. That being the case, and since I wouldn've only had one class today anyway, I decided to take today off, at least in terms of going to campus.

This allowed me to actually be social on a Thursday night. I went over to Former German Prof's house, and him, me, and another friend goofed around with the Wii for awhile. THEN we drove over to the other friend's house and played Rock Band 2 for a couple hours with the roommates in that abode. I got my ego stroked quite a bit (I never do any of the instruments...I just sing, but they were making me do songs I'd never even heard of on Expert, and the lowest score I ever got was something like 92%. This led to multiple drunken exclamations about how I'm a goddess).

It was a fabulous time, I can't even tell ya. I don't take social situations for granted, and when I feel comfortable with the people around me and am able to have a great time, then I'm always sure to be grateful for them.

I leave you now with a snippet of something I was introduced to last night, some really fucked up British comedy called The Mighty Boosh. The Crack Fox episode had Former German Prof. and his friend dying in their seats. I guess it's something one has to grow into...?

First, lemme back up. I am not a social butterfly. I never have been. I don't mind being social every so often, but extended bouts of social activity, especially around complete strangers and sometimes even large groups of friends, tend to make me grouchy and/or depressed. I'm not exactly sure why this is. Crowds just sort of drain me, and I'm much better at smaller, intimate social situations with one or two or three people.

The best kinds of relationships for me are the special, deep friendships I manage to develop with a few individuals. I operate very well in that regard. For those people with whom I bond beyond the superficial, my love and loyalty are everlasting. And I prefer that more intense relationship than the flitting about amongst lots of acquaintances (which, as stated previously, drains me).

All this said, I've been thinking about my social relationships the past couple days, as I've been in conversations with people about it and as I've been doing more and more socializing.

I'm really falling in love with the University of Oregon's atmosphere. I don't know if it's because it's a bigger school or a state school, or maybe because I'm in a different kind of program, or because I'm having to take classes outside that program, but overall I think the atmosphere is friendlier, more open than what I experienced at either of my two previous schools (Pacific University, Chapman University). It's funny how those two schools were so very alike in, say, temperament: small, a bit haughty for that, and a tendency not to encourage social activities as much. Don't get me wrong, they had them, but it wasn't the same. And in those English/creative writing programs I felt my isolation keenly. I made my few friends (one of them was my roommate, so that made it easier), but I didn't hang out at all with the people in the writing department at Pacific. I did try to hang out with some Chapman folks, but down in SoCal, with the commuting involved, it was difficult.

Here, it's so easy. I live next to campus. I'm in a teeny tiny program that actively encourages bonding through various social rituals (hey, it's folklore, we do ritual). I'm able to take class after class with the same folks. I'm forced to take classes outside my specific discipline, which widens my social network (Hi, German!) And since most of us live in the same general proximity, we're able to easily get to social events. Most of all, the university as a whole seems to be geared toward an active program of social networking. Maybe this is a state school phenomenon. I know that USC Trojans get this; even though that school must be huge compared to UO, they seem to have that same understanding when it comes to fostering a certain atmosphere. It's not necessarily just a sports thing, either, though I'm sure that's part of it. It goes beyond the Ducks. It's a whole different kind of spirit than I'm used to.

A few years ago (especially before the surgery), I'm not sure how I would have dealt with this kind of atmosphere. I'm not sure I would have been able to handle it. Now, it seems just right. Last night I went to get Chinese with a couple of folks from my English 611 class, and that felt right. We chatted, made jokes using stuff from class, and generally had a good meal/good convo, and that felt right. I find that I want more, that just "hanging out" with a few folks and talking about school, about life, is truly awesome.

I'll probably never be a fan of crowds, and large social gatherings will likely always make me a little weird. But these other kinds of get-togethers, I'm discovering, are perfect for me. I like being social. What I hope for most, though, is that eventually some of these lighter relationships will go deeper, that I'll really be able to call some of these folks true friends. (My definition of friendship is a whole other note.)

In the meantime, I really really miss the friends I have now who are in other places. Don't think for a minute, my lovelies, that just because I'm here living it up means I've forgotten about any of you.

I'm not sure I can really express how I'm feeling right now. No one that's outside this particular circle would really understand, and yet anyone who had childhood friends disappear, then reappear would get it on some level.

I just got done with a two-hour long conversation with my childhood best friend Michelle Faist.

Here's the sitch: Michelle and I attended the same elementary school for three years in Riverside, CA. First through third grade. She and I were best friends. We also had a third friend, Theresa Reed, who was a year behind us. The thing about that school was that 1st-3rd grade were all in the same classroom, so it mattered little who was in which year. We ate communally, being served around a huge table by a lunch lady we called "Gramma." I remember having some great teachers (Mrs. Bowden) and some really shitty ones, but through it all I had my friends.

Michelle and Theresa would come over for slumber parties at my house. My dad would make us all tacos for dinner and pancakes for breakfast. My mom would tell us stories about how our house was haunted. My brother would torture us in various ways.

Then, in fourth grade, we separated and went to different schools. Michelle went to schools closer to Perris, where she lived. We still saw each other all the time, though, going to each other's houses. Whenever I went to Michelle's house, I'd bring my jeans and practically beg to ride her horse, Fancy (who had only one eye).

Things went on like that until the beginning of sixth grade, when I moved. Then, as I said, I saw Michelle once more after that, when she came to Oregon for...was it two weeks or one?...to visit me.

And now today, two hours + talking to her on the phone. She caught me up a little on what happened in her life, and I caught her up on a little of mine. Really, there was too much. But the craziest part was the whole "and when I saw you on Myspace...." bit. The getting excited, wondering if one would remember the other, hearing about how we had each talked to our parents, and how all the parents remember us, etc. It's so hard to explain these emotions I have going on about this. Coming after last night, it's just overwhelming.

Even more overwhelming is knowing that Michelle feels pretty much the same way. I guess it freaks me out to realize that, as much as I've held a special place in my heart for her all these years, she apparently did the same for me. That's the part that makes me want to cry. And here I've long thought that I never really made that much of an impression on too many people. Not to where they'd have such strong memories of me 20+ years later.

Last night's birthday celebration was probably one of my best ever. I know I was a little emo going in because several people canceled on me at the last moment, but that just means that those who did come were totally committed to making karaoke a success. And we did.

I am lucky to have such good people in my life at present.

( Picture heavy behind the cut...highlights from last night, including one of the hawtest pictures ever taken of me! No, seriously! )

And, also, a short video of some clips I managed to film despite the several White Russians I had. The guy at the end, a man I don't know, is hysterical. Oh, and fair warning, video contains a bit o' NIN.

Direct link is here.

Yesterday, NOBODY was signed up for the writing class I'm teaching winter term. Understood, as it's an 8am class, but I was still worried. See, iffen I don't get to teach, I lose my GTF and would subsequently be screwed.

I shouldn't have worried. I know there are a ridiculous number of freshmen this year, hence the extra WR classes. Today, before writing an anxious letter to one of my GTF mentors, I checked again. I've got 25 out of 26 spots signed up.

Whew!

In other news, I got a letter from Cerritos College yesterday telling me that they "overpaid" me and now need me to give them back $87.38. My first impulse is to say "screw you, own your mistake," but they already threatened me in the letter with having a messed up W2 come January iffen I don't pay. In an effort to stay positive (see, Rob, I'm trying!), I wrote to one of my old colleagues at Cerritos (a guy who's heavily involved in the union) and asked him whether I had any options. He's going to check into it. We'll see. I think it's pretty shitty that they're trying to force me to pay back wages when we were all underpaid anyway, but whatever. Positive, positive!

Speaking of positive, I'm making acquaintances! Last night after the folklore theory class, I went out with three others from that class to get a drink at the local bar where a majority of grad students hang out. It was fun! And now I finally know where that bar is (my German prof told me about it, but he never said exactly where it was). So, my connections are growing, and it's great just hanging out with other nerds and talking novels, philosophy, teaching, etc. Yay!

Not THOSE kind of girlfriends.... *sigh*

Last night I went out with a couple of girls from my folklore theory class. One is a fellow folklore grad, and the other is in her first year as an English PhD. It was supposed to be a tea party, but since it was so late and there were only three of us, we went out instead. We found ourselves, after nearly getting killed driving in the dark, at Don Juan's here in Eugene, where the margaritas are fabulous. We ate, drank, and talked for a couple hours.

Man, it was so nice to just go out with some girls from class. This adds to my pool of acquaintances/friends, which is always awesome. We could talk shop, do a little professor-bashing (heh, not really, but we did manage a bit of complaining), and bond over getting lost on the way back to Jenny's house. It makes me happy to be part of a group like Team Folklore (+ English grads), where there is at least that chance for bonding moments like last night. This wasn't as much the case at Chapman, where most MFA students seemed to go their own way. The friends I made there were a long time coming, it seems, but at UO, with the kind of atmosphere a state school supplies, it seems a little easier to make those contacts.

Anyway, last night was fun. :)